The April Ending

Finally, I'm end with him.
Our relationship must end on 26 April 2012.
First time I'm with him on 7 December 2011.
I love him. He loves me also.
And now, I must be a part with him.
FINISH...

Thanks for everything, DIA.
Forgive me for all mistakes that I've made.
I'm not crying because I'm strong.
Hohoho...

I'm Confused

I wanna say "OUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE FINISHED."

Before we are too far in this relationship. I don't know why I must accept this decision. That's crazy. -,-'

Okay. I'd tell you. I've had a principle not to have relationship until I finish my study in this university. That's my promise to my self and Allah. In fact, I broke it by my self. Looser!!! :(

And as long as I am with you, I don't insist you to be what I want. Just the way you are. I don't hope anything from you, as well as I don't know, I do love you or not? I'm still confused. Sorry for this feeling. That's why, I wanna end this relationship before we are hurt each other. I am evil. Really evil.

I wanna talk about what I feel with you, but there is no concord time to talk. Must I wait anymore? It will be long and can resign my intention to say this.

I've been guilty for my self and my parents. I'm sorry.

I am not accustomed to have relationship before.

I've said to my friends that having relationship after getting married is more beautiful than before. I admit that. It's more beautiful and kosher. Nice. That's blessed love.

I want to be like that people. For instance, like my parents. They don't have relationship before because they were fixed up by their parents. Ummm... If they were me and my hubby (later). T_____T

I wanna leave my love right now. I wanna study first. After I finish, I will think it. It's only my aim purpose, but I must fall in this moment finally. Poor me!!! I'm a looser one. -____________-"

When I must say it to you? To end this relationship.

Am I brave enough to say all these, my reasonable reasons?

Allah... I'm guilty.

Being regretful is useless for right now. Nothing to be regrettable.

I wanna come back to my old world.

Just thinking about study, assignments, silent love, blogging, writing, making new friends, and talking about future with my parents. There is no LOVE FOR HIM AS MY BOYFRIEND in my world.

I want, but I must finish my study first.

Because it is not a game. This is a serious case.

Allah, I'm confused in this confusion. I don't know what I have to do.

T____T

You've come. I'll continue. I don't want you know this writing after this's finished.

*Just a writing from heart...
In the middle of GALAU...

It's Better

Yup.
Last time, I loved you.
But, right now, we have own way finally.

That's good.
:)
I have to end this feeling seriously
And it's fact, I don't have any sense anymore with you
Just as a friend

Let my love story disappear
Like an invisible story
It's better than it has to be known.

If You were Mine

source picture from here

If you were mine

I would love you truly

You know?

Because I've been tired for loving

someone in fake love

If you were mine

I would give what I can give for you

Just for you

You were the first and the last

As long as I live

If you were mine

Just the drops of tears from my eyes appear

Because I could have you finally

After long time to wait you here

Come to me

Do you know?

The way to find you is hard

Difficult

To find you

I have to struggle for keeping my heart from others

But, I know now

This is just a hope

If you were mine

This poem is in Blogger Contest "If You Were Mine" a novel by Clara Canceriana

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry

For loving you

I'm sorry

To write about love

About you

I'm sorry

Maybe I shouldn't do this

But, I just wanna write what I feel

Although it's just a writing

picture from here

But, trust me

It doesn't happen anymore

I've been aware that I shouldn't fall in love with you

Yup.

I'm sorry for this

And thanks for the little happiness for me

:)

My Feeling Written Here

We are different and only our eyes can tell about us. I’m just silent. Silent, silent, silent and silent. I let you talk with others, I don’t need you regard me as one who important to be asked. I know it wouldn’t happen.

When we were in one place, you asked all people except me. I didn’t know your reason why. Or you have known about me through reading my blog? Oh yeah, I nearly forget, if I have status in one of media social networks that tells something I felt and I make it into beautiful words, you always like that. Whereas, I don’t expect you can like that. I’ve never thought that.

When we stared each other, it’s at a glance. It isn’t intentional. I just smile and you… I don’t know how you.

I know you’re great writer. You write the way you are.

You are smart.

You are simple.

I don’t know what I must do if I have to meet you. I can’t imagine that. Hope I can do as usual. I don’t want you know this. Maybe I’m only brave to write here, in my secret blog. Not in the reality because I am shy. :D

Falling in love with you is beautiful.

Having love from you is beautiful also.

But that’s just my imagination expectation.

google.com

That’s right. My friend has said to me I always hide my feeling to person I like. But, he understood why I have to hide it. He said “Because you’re woman, I understand why.”

Huaaaa, actually I’s shy at the time because he could know who I am. Yet, that’s my personality. I don’t blame him. I have to give thanks to him because he finally reminds me what I do. I have to realize all things happen with me now. Only writing I can do to tell what I feel now. Here, in my blog, my secret blog. Thanks for my blog, my faithful partner. Love ya!

Last words, Congratulation for your study! J

Hope always success in your carrier. J

Amin.

Just Wanna Share

Haiaaa. I come back again.

I just wanna write here what I feel now.

Actually, I wanna write in my other blogs, but I think this blog is more comfortable because it doesn't have many people to read this article.

Let's share what you feel by writing, Ning!

Ok.

Do you know? I'm still sick and tired because my jobs and my love.

Yup, my jobs are an assistent and a university student.

In right side, I wanna get work, I wanna help the woman who gives me the job, but I'm still doing my job as a student. It's fun because I won't work, but studying. I just study without thinking how many people that I have to get the target. I wanna resign for temporarily until my study has been finished. I hope I can pass all well. Aminnnn... :)

Ya, I wanna resign and try not to think about that job as an assistant, TEMPORARILY. I wanna focus with all things about college.

About my love, I mean my love story. Hueee...

I shouldn't write here. However, I like writing so I write everything without knowing who reads my article. This is me. I'm full opened. Maybe.

Now, love for someone gets position last numbers. Why? I don't try to think how to get boyfriend right now. Remember, I still focus with my main aim. Guys, please pray for us. Ameeenn...

I can't deny that in fact I need love, I need my boyfriend, I need the smile from him, I need everything.

More and more I say, I don't reach that level yet. I'm still underage.

Yeah, I admit that I had had boyfriends as many as 2 men. 

Yup, just 2 men. Not more. How pity I am! :D

Too little.

No problem. I did it when I was in junior high school.

Just like a puppy love, not seriously.

When I was in Senior high school until I'm a university student, I don't be brave to have boyfriend yet.

Because I'm tired to make relationship from another to others people.

I have been tired to betray and be betrayed although I did it once. You know? The pain is still getting in my heart. I have done the big mistake that I did to my first boyfriend. I was wrong at the time. I'm sorry. That gives me the precious life experience. And indeed we can't be together anymore. It's a fact that will happen. Let's see.

I'm happy to make friend with you all. You shouldn't tell me that you love (for man). I give you suggestion, it's better not to show your feeling to me because it can change everything. I also don't know how.

I actually think that I have to get boyfriend after getting married from my family. With other words, my parents who find me the special one for me. I wanna like that.

Actually, this is crazy thing I've never did. But, I don't know I enjoy with this situation. Without pressure to be asked that I have to do like this like that. If one day I have got my bf, I wanna ask him to read my article. How precious he is, how I love him so much right now. Maybe. I can't guess them.

Huaaa, my writing is chaos. I'm sorry for your inconvenient.

This is just a writing that I wanna write here without expecting people can read it or not.

Other later time we meet.

My head is sick now, I'm in 3.21 a.m. It's almost Shubuh. OMG.

If I get caught by my parents, I'm sure I will get angry from them.

I'm sorry...

*My story isn't perfect yet. Wait me until I get spare time to write all I wanna write here. :)