I'm Confused

I wanna say "OUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE FINISHED."

Before we are too far in this relationship. I don't know why I must accept this decision. That's crazy. -,-'

Okay. I'd tell you. I've had a principle not to have relationship until I finish my study in this university. That's my promise to my self and Allah. In fact, I broke it by my self. Looser!!! :(

And as long as I am with you, I don't insist you to be what I want. Just the way you are. I don't hope anything from you, as well as I don't know, I do love you or not? I'm still confused. Sorry for this feeling. That's why, I wanna end this relationship before we are hurt each other. I am evil. Really evil.

I wanna talk about what I feel with you, but there is no concord time to talk. Must I wait anymore? It will be long and can resign my intention to say this.

I've been guilty for my self and my parents. I'm sorry.

I am not accustomed to have relationship before.

I've said to my friends that having relationship after getting married is more beautiful than before. I admit that. It's more beautiful and kosher. Nice. That's blessed love.

I want to be like that people. For instance, like my parents. They don't have relationship before because they were fixed up by their parents. Ummm... If they were me and my hubby (later). T_____T

I wanna leave my love right now. I wanna study first. After I finish, I will think it. It's only my aim purpose, but I must fall in this moment finally. Poor me!!! I'm a looser one. -____________-"

When I must say it to you? To end this relationship.

Am I brave enough to say all these, my reasonable reasons?

Allah... I'm guilty.

Being regretful is useless for right now. Nothing to be regrettable.

I wanna come back to my old world.

Just thinking about study, assignments, silent love, blogging, writing, making new friends, and talking about future with my parents. There is no LOVE FOR HIM AS MY BOYFRIEND in my world.

I want, but I must finish my study first.

Because it is not a game. This is a serious case.

Allah, I'm confused in this confusion. I don't know what I have to do.

T____T

You've come. I'll continue. I don't want you know this writing after this's finished.

*Just a writing from heart...
In the middle of GALAU...